2019 Award for New Poets, 1st Place Winner: [X][Y] / [X][X] by Golden
This is it! The winner of the 2019 Frontier Industry Prize of $3000—selected by Eve L. Ewing, Kaveh Akbar, and Ocean Vuong: Golden’s “[X][Y] / [X][X]”. An incredible feat of new form and innovative lines, the poem throttles you in its helix. Golden is an amazingly talented person—the cover image is from their photo series—and this is just a first stop along a long journey of awards and prizes. We’re honored to serve them and their work however we can.
[X][Y] / [X][X]
[X] [Y]
Everyone wants a chunk of –––––––––––––[flower]
flesh on their front lawn ––––––––––––––––[seasoned]
I walk, & ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[niggas]
hear –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[rioting]
I just want to ––––––––––––––––––––––––[party]
when I switch. I am a ––––––––––––––––––[man]
same suede black as their ––––––––––––––[durags]
People ask me, –––––––––––––––––-–––––[boy?]
& I answer with ––––––––––––––––––––––[fists]
My ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[friends]
Cry, ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[Kill-mo,]
Prying the dirt from –––––––––––––––––––[childrens’]
buckled teeth ––––––––––––––––––––––––[again]
I’m used to ––––––––––––––––––––––––––[metaphor &]
shame. It never –––––––––––––––––––––––[lingers]
Some sisters call me –––––––––––––––––––[kin]
because I am ––––––––––––––––––––––––[trash]
& I know it. We dissect Adam’s –––––––––––[rib]
because holding my –––––––––––––––––––[girl]
with my dick in my –––––––––––––––––––––[palm]
means –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[safety]
means school children get ––––––––––––––[silent]
means church girls ––––––––––––––––––––[playing]
on pavements with my ––––––––––––––––––[joy]
[X] [Y]
Uncles at my –––––––––––––––––––––––––[family]
gathering will tell you I am a –––––––––––––[product]
of my own –––––––––––––––––––––––––––[hood]
I offend those who don’t know ––––––––––––[biology]
like I do, cookout mouth & –––––––––––––––[grateful]
bartering. God gave us language for –––––––[devil]
but did not bother translating the ––––––––––[sin]
My black ass needed a –––––––––––––––––[beating]
glutton for blood that –––––––––––––––––––[saves]
relentlessly. I got to be ––––––––––––––––––[gun]
hole sweet to sit at our table ––––––––––––––[unbothered]
Everyone wants me to kill my –––––––––––––[demons]
because my healing is so so ––––––––––––––[important]
I ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[soldier]
here for God & still think about ––––––––––––[sobbing]
on Sunday. Study the –––––––––––––––––––[shunning]
Hand me a goblet of my own –––––––––––––[testicles]
& ask me if my mom made me this –––––––––[soft]
ask me why I haven’t learned to –––––––––––[stand]
outside too long in my own –––––––––––––––[skin]
& I will tell you about ––––––––––––––––––––[flowers]
still souring on my front ––––––––––––––––––[driveway]
when it rains, looking like –––––––––––––––––[mirrors]
I still don’t know their ––––––––––––––––––––[name]
[X] [X]
Everyone wants a chunk of –––––––––––––––[fag]
flesh on their front lawn ––––––––––––––––––[sacrificial]
I walk, & ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[cissies]
hear –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[rotting]
I just want to ––––––––––––––––––––––––––[pass]
when I switch. I am a –––––––––––––––––––[bruise]
same suede black as their –––––––––––––––[acrylics]
people ask me, –––––––––––––––––-––––––[girl?]
& I answer with ––––––––––––––––––––––––[fatigue].
My ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[ancestors]
Cry, –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[Kill-me,]
Prying the dirt from –––––––––––––––––––––[corpses’]
buckled teeth ––––––––––––––––––––––––––[estranged]
I’m used to –––––––––––––––––––––––––––[mania &]
shame. It never ––––––––––––––––––––––––[leaves]
Some sisters call me ––––––––––––––––––––[misogynistic]
because I am –––––––––––––––––––––––––[transgender]
& I know it. We dissect Adam’s ––––––––––––[apples]
because holding my ––––––––––––––––––––[titties]
with my dick in my –––-–––––––––––––––––––[bible]
means ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[anarchy]
means school children get ––––––––––––––––[sliced]
means church girls ––––––––––––––––––––––[painting]
on pavements with my –––––––––––––––––––[jugular]
[X] [X]
Uncles at my –––––––––––––––––––––––––[funeral]
gathering will tell you I am a –––––––––––––[conductor]
of my own –––––––––––––––––––––––––––[death]
I offend those who don’t know –––––––––––[God]
like I do, cookout mouth & –––––––––––––––[graceless]
bartering. God gave us language for –––––––[angel]
but did not bother translating the ––––––––––[pronouns]
My black ass needed a –––––––––––––––––[father]
glutton for blood that –––––––––––––––––––[loves]
relentlessly. I got to be ––––––––––––––––––[glory]
hole sweet to sit at our table ––––––––––––––[breathing]
Everyone wants me to kill my –––––––––––––[self]
because my healing is so so –––––––––––––[ugly]
I –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––[squatter]
here for God & still think about –––––––––––[suicide]
on Sunday. Study the –––––––––––––––––––[celebration]
Hand me a goblet of my own –-–––––––––––[piss]
& ask me if my mom made me this ––––––––[pussy]
ask me why I haven’t learned to –––––––––––[sit]
outside too long in my own –––––––––––––––[shit]
& I will tell you about ––––––––––––––––––––[sisters]
still souring on my front –––––––––––––––––[sewer]
when it rains, looking like ––––––––––––––––[mulch]
I still don’t know their –––––––––––––––––––[sound]
Golden
Golden (they/them) is a black gender-nonconforming trans-femme photographer and poet raised in Hampton, VA, currently residing in Boston, MA. Their work deals with the intersections of blackness and gender within the construct of America. Golden is the recipient of a Pink Door Fellowship (2017/2019), a Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum Luminary Fellowship (2019), and a Pushcart Nomination (wildness, 2019). Their work has been featured on/at the Shade Journal, the Offing, wildness, Button Poetry, i-D, Interview Magazine, & elsewhere. Golden holds a BFA in Photography from New York University. Website: mylessgolden.com. Instagram: mylesgolden. Twitter: mylessgolden.
